


Not Easy Enough For Me

by meredithhildebrand



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Boys In Love, Kissing, Multi, agatha's sort of annoying but admit it she's super relatable, decided to give Agatha and Penny a little more love, i love these characters, might add more chapters idk?? maybe, so yeah this is just a little series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10594821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meredithhildebrand/pseuds/meredithhildebrand
Summary: After months of being apart, Penny and Agatha start talking again, but not without at least a few repercussions.





	1. Chapter 1

 

PENNY  
  
Simon told me that I should Skype Agatha. At the time, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea, but now that I’ve had my laptop open for a good twenty minutes with my fingers ghosting over the mouse to click on Agatha’s name, I’m starting to reconsider. I knew that this time would come around soon enough, but it’s been really nice not having to worry about contacting her when I’ve had school and other things to worry about.  
But now that it’s summer, and that I know she’s free, I don’t think I really have a choice. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just that I don’t really know what to say. We haven’t talked since the huge battle at Watford, and that was eight months ago. Sure, we’ve texted once or twice, but never more than that.  
And I won’t even begin to mention Simon and Baz’s relationship. With those two spending every minute of the day roaming around the apartment, it’s hard to get a call with Agatha without her seeing those two snogging behind me. I don’t think she would be ready for that yet. Hell, _I_  wouldn't even be ready for that yet if I was her.  
I sigh and tilt my head at my laptop screen, with it's bright glowing light, looking way more threatening than a laptop should. I shake my head, and shut the laptop closed without a second thought.

  
AGATHA  
  
I close my apartment door behind me, and crouch down when I see Lucy running at 100 miles per hour towards me. I smile and pick her up, spinning in a circle as she licks my nose excitedly.  
I walk over to my desk, and sit down, opening my laptop.  
As I click open the Messages app, I see Penny’s name as the top chat. I swallow, and run a hand through my hair.  
I know I should talk to her. It shouldn’t seem this hard, but then again, we did go through a shit load of crap only months ago. I wonder what life is like for her, back in England. I would be lying if I said that I don’t care about her anymore, but it’s just that talking to her, communicating with her, seeing her, just seems like too much of a chore for me right now. Living here in California has been easier, but I don’t go a day without seeing the Mage crouched over me, with his blood-covered hands clutching my shoulders, almost as if I were a lifeline somehow.  
For all I know, shit could still be going on over there. Hopefully Penny’s happy. Hopefully Simon is.  
Maybe he’s found someone. Someone that makes him happy. Happier than I did.  
Biting down on my tongue softly, I rest my elbows on the table and drop my head into my hands. This shouldn’t this hard. This should be infinitely easier.  
Why isn’t it?  
Without a second thought, I click Penny’s name on the FaceTime button and swallow deeply.  
One ring. Two rings. Three rings.  
I’m about to hang up and forget about this, but don’t when I see a word on the screen.

Connecting.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny has something to explain the boys after her FaceTime call with Agatha.

PENNY  
  
My brain almost short-circuits when I see Agatha’s picture for FaceTime on my laptop. I take a breath, then press accept, and Agatha’s face fills the screen.   
She grins, something that I’ve only seen a few times, but she looks so, so happy. I can’t help but smile back, and a giddy laugh tumbles out of my mouth without a thought.   
”Hey! How are you?” I ask, smiling at her through the million miles between us.   
“I’m good, how are you? How’s school?” she asks, folding her elbows on the table and leaning closer.   
“It’s been good, a ton of work but so much fun,” I say, and take a quick glance at the door from across the kitchen counter where I’m sitting.   
Simon and Baz are out, probably at Fiona’s or something, but they should be back soon if they actually do come back at the time that Simon said he should.   
“Is Simon there?” Agatha asks, and I shake my head a second too fast.   
“No, he’s out,” I reply, swallowing. Agatha nods.   
“Anyway, how’s California? Been getting a ton of sun?” I ask, trying to change the subject.   
She looks surprised for a moment, but her face eases back into a smile as she nods.   
“Penny, it’s fantastic. They have water here. And it’s _warm_. Can you believe that?” she says, and I laugh and shake my head. If I hadn’t known her for the past eight years, I would say that she was never touched by the pain that happened.   
“No way. It looks like you’re really happy there. I’m happy for you,” I say, through a small smile.   
Agatha nods and grins at me, and we talk like that for almost half an hour before I hear the door knob turning, revealing a flustered looking Simon and Baz, with a smirk on his face.   
Merlin, what do I do now?  
  
  
SIMON  
  
Baz and I are just walking down the hallway of my building when we hear loud giggles and talking coming from my flat. I look at Baz, whose brow is raised, and he looks at the door, then back at me.   
“Aren’t you going to open it, Snow? It’s just the door,” he says, but I press my hand against his mouth to hear who Penny’s talking to. I can’t really hear it, and its sort of fuzzy, but I know that it’s coming from her laptop.   
“Shhh,” I say to him, and press my ear against the thin door. Penny’s laughing, and the voice from her laptop seems freakishly familiar, and then I recognize it with a shock to my brain.   
It’s Agatha.   
Penny’s talking to Agatha.   
I take my hand away from Baz’s mouth, and fall backwards into the wall behind me. Baz looks at me, then at the door, then back at me, with his stupid eyebrow raised. I can feel myself getting upset, and I close my eyes.   
“Are you alright, Simon? What is it?” he asks softly, and I can tell he’s confused. I just shake my head.   
“I’m fine,” I say, and swallow.   
I don’t really know what’s wrong. Something just seems off about this. I know that I told Penny to talk to Agatha, but something about that just makes my stomach churn.   
I know that Baz can sense something’s wrong, because he takes my hand and squeezes it once.   
“Simon, it’s just Wellbelove. It can’t be that bad,” he says, and I nod at him and press myself off the wall.   
With a deep breath, I turn open the door knob to my flat.   
I can’t help but hope that this will get easier. It has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, here it is! Chapter 2:)  
> I hope you guys like this, and I feel like this could actually be going somewhere:)  
> thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

PENNY

 

Baz and Simon walk into the flat, both with equally confused expressions. Well, as confused as Baz can get, which is not at all. He has a smirk on his face, and he looks smug, like he knows something I don't. Simon just looks confused and upset. I sigh and open my mouth to say something, but Agatha's confused voice interrupts me. 

"Penny? What is it?" she asks, and I look back at the screen. She looks confused, and I swallow. 

"Well, it seems that Simon's back now," I say, and Agatha tilts her head. 

"Can I talk to him? Is he there?" she asks, and I look over at Simon, whose eyes are widened. His hand is clasping Baz's, who is just about fuming. He wraps an arm around Simon's shoulders. He mouths "No," at me and I look expectantly at Simon. 

He lets go of Baz's hand, but Baz still holds onto him. He's being paranoid. Agatha still doesn't know about them, and I don't think that Baz wants her to find out. 

"Yeah, just hold on," I say slowly. Simon walks over to me, with a look at Baz, who finally gets the hint. He crosses his arms, and leans against the doorframe, raising an eyebrow. I have no idea what he's thinking, but it can't be good. He looks like he's going to start plotting, which is never a good thing. 

Simon gets a chair and sits down beside me, with a small smile across his tense face. He swallows.

"Hi, Agatha. How are you?" he asks hesitantly, and I bite my lip.

Agatha smiles softly. "I'm good. How is school? Do you have anything that you're majoring in?" she asks, and I let out a heavy breath. 

"You know, I need to go use the washroom. I'll be right back," I say, but Simon gives me a scared look. I just smile at him, and walk away, towards the kitchen. 

 

BAZ

 

I can't help but feel something dark and heavy churning inside my stomach. It makes my blood run cold and I try to ignore it, but when I see Agatha's smiling face, I just want to rip her to shreds. Penny stands up and walks toward the kitchen, but she grabs my arm as she walks past.

I follow her into the separate room, but not without one last look at Simon. He looks so vulnerable, it's killing me. I glare at Penny.

"What the hell is it, Bunce?" I whisper sharply, but Penelope flicks her wrist, and when she replies, her voice is quiet.

"Don't be an idiotic person, Baz," she says, and I sigh and shake my head. 

"I'm not. But Agatha doesn't deserve to talk to him, and I think you know that," I say back to her, but she gives me look that says that's not true. I raise an eyebrow, and lean against the edge of the kitchen counter, with my arms crossed across my chest. 

Penny swallows. 

"Look, Baz. I know that you really don't like Agatha, but she did date Simon for three years. They both owe each other explanations for what happened, and don't even get me started about her reaction when she finds out about you two.You especially should be worried about that," she says, and I inhale deeply. 

"I _know_ that, it's just that... " I swallow, and look away. 

"Just what?" Penelope says impatiently, and I exhale.

"I don't want him to get hurt again, alright? He doesn't deserve that," I reply, staring her right in the eyes.

Her expression changes from annoyed to understanding, and in that moment, I feel so much gratitude towards her. She understands this. 

"She won't hurt him, Baz. We'll both make sure of that, okay? I promise," she says, and I nod.

For just a second, I almost think that she's actually going to be right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a continuation of the last chapter.  
> some snowbaz comforting may occur:)

* * *

BAZ

 

I look out the kitchen door at Simon, who is still sitting at the table, talking to Agatha. I inhale deeply, and swallow before making my way out of the kitchen and over to the table. I stand right across from Snow, so that Agatha can't see me but he can.

I smirk and raise an eyebrow at Simon, who is still talking to Agatha about school and his classes. He's taking a psychology course (which is advice from his therapist, and actually something that I feel could help him) and a Creative Writing course. Bunce suggested that he took that one, and I agreed with her. 

Simon looks at me, his eyes blue, blue, and I give him a small smile. A smile that is meant only for him. A smile that I can tell melts his worries away, which melts mine away into a big puddle of nothingness. I sit down quietly across from him, resting the side of my face in the palm of my hand, and I watch him. 

 

SIMON

 

Baz is staring at me, and unfortunately throwing me off my game. Talking to Agatha isn't as bad as I had thought it would be, and I've learned that California is actually a pretty nice place to be. 

Baz is sitting across from me, with almost a dazed look in his eyes, and my stomach fills with butterflies. I feel myself flushing and Baz smirks. I look back at the screen. 

"And anyway, that's basically it. California's amazing, Simon. You and Penny should come here and visit. You would love it," she says, and I nod absentmindedly. 

Baz's face is set in almost a glare, and I'm tempted to grab his hand, squeeze it, and tell him that it's okay. 

But I can't. I'm not ready to tell Agatha about him and I yet. I will tell her, but I'm not sure when. 

"That's great, Agatha. I'll definitely think about it," I say. 

Agatha smiles, nods. "Okay. Bye, Simon, I'll talk to you soon," she replies, with a smile.

"Bye," I say, and smile softly before hanging up.

I let out a heavy breath and finally look back at Baz, who looks almost pained.

"Baz, what's wrong? Are you alright?" I say, and Baz stands up and walks over to me, without saying a word. 

I look up at him, and he takes my hands and pulls me up so that I'm standing. I give him a smile, and he wraps his arms around me, giving me a huge hug. He smells like cedar and bergamot, and I bury my face into his chest, and breathe him in. He's warm, and I kiss his collarbone that's visible from the neckline of his black jumper. 

He buries his head into my curls and whispers, "I love you, Simon Snow."

I grin, and look up at him, placing my hands on the sides of his face.

"I love you, too, Baz," I reply. 

He kisses me, and his mouth is warm and tastes like that pumpkin mocha drink that he likes so much.

Maybe everything will be okay, I think as he holds me tightly in his arms.


	5. Chapter 5

SIMON

 

Baz leans his forehead against mine and holds my face in his hands. His fingers are cool, but they make my skin feel warm, _he_ makes me feel warm. 

 _"Fuck,_ Simon. I love you so much," Baz says roughly, and he kisses my jawline softly. I grin.

"I love you, too," I say, and smile. 

I lift my forehead off his and wrap my arms around his neck. 

"Baz?" I ask hesitantly, and he starts kissing up and down my jawline, and my neck, and I feel my skin growing warm, warm, warm. 

He murmurs in response. I grip his upper arms and swallow, trying not to completely lose control. 

"Are you jealous of Agatha?" I blurt, and the words tumble out without me giving them a second thought. 

Baz's lips pause for a split second against my skin, almost as if he's contemplating, and I think that I've messed up. Until his lips continue, harder than before, and I let out a shaky breath. 

"Snow, what would give you an idea like that?" he asks, but below the low timbre of his voice, he almost sounds unsure. 

I exhale. "I don't think you are, at all, but I just wanted to know," I say, and Baz pulls away. 

"Of course I'm not, Snow. Why would I be jealous of Agatha?"

Because you spent three years watching her with me, wishing that you were her, and me not knowing that you wanted me?

She got to touch me. You didn't. She got to spend time with me without hating me. She got to love me.

I know that I shouldn't say any of these, and I exhale deeply and look away. Baz's hand rests on the side of my face, and his touch is soft. 

"She got to love me, Baz," I whisper softly, and Baz sharply inhales. 

 

BAZ

 

"She got to love me," he says, and the words are startling.

I exhale and look him in the eye, and I breathe out again.

"Simon, listen to me. Yes, Agatha did get to love you first," I say. 

"But she didn't get to love you now. I do. I get to hold you, I get to kiss you, I get to be around you whenever I want," I say, starting to kiss his jawline. 

"And that's all I ever wanted from you, Simon," I say.

Simon shakily exhales, and I think that he may start crying, but he just wraps his arms around my neck and presses his body against mine. He smells like cinnamon and his apple shampoo, and I grin.

"So, you're not jealous of Agatha?" he asks shakily against my chest.

I lift up his face and smile. 

"Not even close," I say.


	6. Chapter 6

3 MONTHS LATER

 

AGATHA

 

It didn't occur to me that when I was starting to talk to Penny that Christmas was just around the corner.

And well, Christmas means going back to London. Which means being in the same three mile radius as everyone who I hoped I would never see again. 

Simon. Penny. Everyone.

I don't have any desire to go, but my parents have already payed for a plane ticket for me to stay there for a week. I didn't complain, because they _did_ have a sort of good reason to make me come and visit them. This would be the first Christmas that I've been gone, and I assume that they would want to see me again. 

Still, I'm not completely fine with going back. I'm far from it.

I told Penny yesterday in our Skype call, and she yelled that to Simon, but I didn't hear his response.

I'm not sure why that bothered me, but I swear that I almost heard another strangely familiar voice talking to him in the other room, despite Penny's obvious attempt to be alone. I just ignored it and told her that I would talk to her again soon.

I leave in three days. Penny's already eagerly agreed to pick me up at the airport, and she didn't let me say no. Hopefully she doesn't bring Simon with her. I don't know how I would feel seeing him again after being on opposite sides of the ocean for almost a year.

 

THREE DAYS LATER

 

AGATHA

 

When I arrive in London, it all feels the same. The same grey clouds, the same dusty yet fresh scent of a fresh rainfall, and the noises of people rushing by. 

Nothing's changed. 

I go to the baggage carousel to retrieve my luggage, and I almost drop my purse when I see Penny waving enthusiastically from the other side of the conveyor belt. I'm too stunned to wave back or to say a word to her. 

This all feels too real. As she waves, I see Simon collapsing to the ground in his attempt to save Ebb even though she was already gone. I see the Mage clasping my shoulders and him yelling at me to leave. I see Penny and Baz running at a lighting speed towards me, and I remember myself wondering why the hell Baz was there. I remember running through the snow, knowing what I was running away from but not knowing exactly _why_ I was running away from it. 

I remember never wanting to come back. I told myself that I never would. And now here I am, standing in the airport with my phone in my hand and the same Ugg boots that I wore that night.

I didn't even notice that this morning when I was taking them out of my closet. I took a glance at the picture of Lucy, and told myself that I wasn't doing this for anyone but her. 

 

"Agatha!" Penny calls, running around the carousel and giving me a bear hug. 

I'm too stunned to do anything, so I just hug her back awkwardly.

"I can't believe you're here," she says, and I nod slightly and give her a tight smile.

"Come on, we have to go. Simon's waiting," she says, and I nod and follow her out of the crowds of people woven together.

I almost feel suffocated, but all I can do is to hope for the best.


	7. Chapter 7

BAZ

 

Simon is in a hysterical frenzy, and the only thing that could possibly be the cause is the fact that Wellbelove will be here in less than an hour. 

He's pacing the flat, and running his hands through his bronze curls as his wings banging into the walls. I tried to stop him, but he would just growl and tell me to fuck off. 

It's painful to see him like this. I hate it. It tears my heart in half, and all I want to do is comfort him.

But the thing about Simon is that he really doesn't like to be comforted when he's angry. He's almost self-destructive that way, not letting anybody in and pushing everyone out, away from him. 

I want to help him. I want to fix him, but how do I fix him when I don't really know how to fix myself? 

I set down my cup of tea on the kitchen counter and fold my arms across my chest. 

Simon throws himself onto the sofa and lets out a groan.

"Baz, I can't do this. How am I supposed to talk to her? I haven't seen her in almost a year. Fucking fuck. I can't do this right now," he says, and it almost sounds as if he's talking to himself more than he's talking to me. 

I exhale and walk over to the sofa, and kneel down to look at him. His blue eyes are bright and a stray curl falls into his eye. I smile at him softly and take his hand in mine. His eyes soften and I squeeze his fingers.

"Simon, it will be fine. You will be fine, okay? I'll be here the whole time," I say gently, and kiss his forehead. 

When I pull away, Simon's eyes are wild with panic, and they flash .

" _Baz," he_ says, and I raise an eyebrow at him. 

"What is it, love?" I ask, running my fingers across his cheekbones. He almost smiles, but scrambles away from me and stands up, looking feverish.

"You- you can't be here when she is. She's going to flip, Baz. Have you not met her? Oh my fucking god. Jesus fucking Christ," he says, and I can barely understand him, he's talking so fast. 

I almost roll my eyes but I don't because Simon falls to the floor, his face flushed. 

I rush over to him and drop down to his level and his eyes are brimming with tears, making his blue eyes seem even bluer. 

I pull him into my chest and wrap my arms tightly around him, and he wraps his arms around my waist and begins to cry softly into my jumper. He's overwhelmed, and I can feel him shaking against me and I try to make him feel better.

After his tears become hiccuping breaths, he pulls away and rubs at his eyes. I swallow. 

"Simon, do you want to leave? We can just tell Penelope that you had a class. Wellbelove won't suspect anything," I say softly, and Simon shakes his head. 

"No, I- I need to be here. I need to tell her about us," he replies, and starts to stand up. I stare at him as he swallows and wipes his eyes again, and they seem clearer.

"Are you sure, Simon? You don't have to tell her," I say, but Simon shakes his head.

"Baz, I do. It's been a long time. She deserves to know," he replies softly, and I nod and stand up. 

Simon looks at me, then at the door, and then back at me.

I begin to hear voices that sound suspiciously like Penelope and Wellbelove, and I take Simon's hand.

"It'll be okay, Simon," I say.

He nods, but only one thing is running through my mind, and I can't ignore it. 

 

We're both fucking screwed.

 


	8. Chapter 8

SIMON

Baz looks at me and grips my hand tightly, and I almost think that he’s more nervous than I am.  
I don’t really know what I’m expecting, to be honest. Agatha’s definitely going to be surprised, that’s for sure.  
I’m interrupted by the door opening, and Penny walks in, with a huge grin. Agatha follows behind her, and her face turns from a tolerating smile to a face full of confusion and surprise.  
“Hi, Agatha. It’s so good to see you,” I say meekly, and swallow.  
Her eyes flit from me to Baz, then back to me, and they flash with confusion.  
There’s too long of an awkward silence, and the only way that I can calm down is by gripping Baz’s hand so tight that my knuckles turn dark purple.  
Baz clears his throat. “Welcome, Wellbelove. How are you? California been treating you well?” he says, and I don’t have to look at him to know that he’s smirking.  
Agatha doesn’t say anything, only looks at Penny.  
“Hi, Simon,” she says finally, and I sharply intake a breath. I feel myself blushing, and Baz lets go of my hand and wraps an arm around my shoulders. I knot my hands together and swallow again, not knowing what to say. My throat feels dry and uncomfortable, and my face is warm with awkward embarrassment that I don’t know how to shield.  
Penny looks at Agatha, who looks so out of place here, and my stomach ties itself into knots.  
“Agatha, come on. I’ll show you your room,” she says lightly, and grabs Agatha’s hand and pulls her down the hallway to our guest bedroom.

  
BAZ

I exhale a deep breath and look at Snow, whose cheeks are still bright red with embarrassment.  
“Snow, you alright?” I say, standing in front of him.  
His head is down, and I don’t have to look at his face to know that he’s angry. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides, and his bronze curls are all over the place. I can see his broad shoulders tensing underneath his red jumper.  
“Simon,” I say, and he doesn’t say anything. I try again.  
“Simon, it’s alright. The worst is already over,” I say softly, and Simon looks up at me, his eyes vibrant blue.  
I let myself show a tiny smile, and Simon swallows, and runs his fingers through his curls.  
He looks at me and smiles, and I take a step forward. I can feel his breath hitting my chest, and I lean my forehead against his. He smells like citrus and mint, and I smile down at him.  
“I love you,” I whisper, and kiss him. His mouth is warm, and he wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me closer. I grin against his mouth, and slide my hands down his sides and slide them up underneath his jumper. His bare skin is warm against my touch. I don’t even care that Penelope and Wellbelove can hear us right now. Let them.

  
PENNY

Merlin forbid that Simon and Baz just have to start making out after five minutes of Simon’s ex-girlfriend being here.  
I look at Agatha, whose eyes are bright. She gives me a look, and she pushes the door closed, and falls against it.  
“How long have they been together?” she asks, and her voice is pained. I sigh.  
“About ten months, almost eleven,” I say, without a trace of awkwardness.  
Agatha looks surprised. “Really? That long?” she says, and I nod.  
“Yeah. They got together a couple days after…” I don’t know how to phrase the huge battle. The Mage’s death. The Insidious Humdrum just fading out of existence.  
The whole thing.  
“You know,” I say, and Agatha nods in understanding.  
I sit down on my bed, and Agatha pushes away from the door and sits on my desk chair. She looks confused, and I sigh again, crossing my legs underneath me.  
“Agatha, I know it’s probably a lot to process, after everything,” I say, and Agatha shoots a look in my direction.  
“Well, of course it is, Penny. I don’t know why you wouldn’t know that by now,” she says sharply, and I’m not surprised.

AGATHA

I don’t know what to think. I can’t seem to process that Simon, my ex-boyfriend, is now apparently together with his arch-nemesis. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I know that I shouldn't be acting this way, that I was the one who broke up with him, but...

I guess a part of me, a small part, always thought that Simon would always be mine. Even if we weren't together anymore. Even if breaking up with him set me free in more ways that I can count. Even if it was what I knew I needed.

 

I just thought that no matter what, Simon wouldn't forget about me. That he would still go on loving me even though it was obvious that I didn't love him. I thought that he would still see me as the prize at the end of everything, that fate was cruel for splitting us apart. I just always expected that he wouldn't forget about me so soon.

But the fact that him and Baz are together now makes my blood run cold. Surely this wasn't just a fling between the two, because the way that Baz looked at Simon, with a glint in his eye, makes me think that this was more than just something that came overnight. 

They really care about each other, and I think that maybe they always have, in a way. 

In between all of that supposed hatred and animosity, I mean. Simon was always too involved with Baz. He was obsessed with knowing where he was, and what he was doing, all the time. Baz just let him get closer to him, without doing anything to stop him.

A real enemy wouldn't do something like that. Not unless he really did hate him, the way that we all thought Simon hated him.

Something ran deeper beneath the surface, deeper than most people care to look. I'm sure that if Simon just looked a little longer, took a little more time, he would've seen something. Something that was most likely love.

But of course, Simon wasn't the type to do so. He just kept barreling his way through life, tossing things aside and still moving forward towards something that he thought would eventually kill him. 

Still always putting himself in danger without even caring to take a glance backwards. Towards everything else, and not just his destiny. His fate. That was all he really cared about at Watford. Well, and Baz.

Baz wasn't someone who Simon could ignore, and not just because all of the animosity and hate between them. 

I almost think that there was a reason for all of this. Baz's hatred.  

Simon didn't start it. For the first two years at Watford, it was Baz, just taunting him and teasing him for really no good reason. 

And then, fifth year came along. That was when I noticed something was a little bit different.

Baz began to grow less attached, but Simon became even more obsessed with him. He would stare at Baz from across the dining hall, looking at Baz with a violent look in his eyes. 

But I don't think Baz was all that interested. I used to see him staring at Simon from the other side of things, and then he would flick his gaze to me, and I used to take it as more than it actually was. 

I know that I wanted something else. I didn't want people looking at me, and seeing me as someone who was dependent on someone other than herself.

I know that I was the one who broke up with him because I didn't want to just be some award at the end of everything. I wanted to be _happy._

Maybe it was never really me who he was looking at. Perhaps it was always Simon. 

It makes sense.


	9. Chapter 9

PENNY

 

Agatha looks at me and exhales softly. 

"I didn't expect this," she says, and I don't blame her. None of us were, and in fact, I wasn't even sure if I actually supported it the first time it made sense to me. 

"Neither did I. It didn't make sense, the first time, but eventually it did," I say, and Agatha nods slowly.

"Should we go talk to them? We've spent enough time in here," Agatha says, and I nod and stand up. 

We open the door slowly, and when I don't hear any noises of aggressive making out, I begin to walk down the hallway that leads to the living room. Agatha's right behind me.

We walk into the living room, and I see Simon and Baz sitting on the couch, with equally different expressions.

"Took you both long enough to get out of there," Baz says with a smirk on his face. 

Of course, Simon's face is flushed, and Baz looks at him expectantly.

"Agatha," he says softly, and he stops. 

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about-" he looks at Baz, whose eyes are shining. I've never seen him look this fond before. I never thought he even could look fond.

"Us," he finishes, and Baz takes his hand. 

Agatha clears her throat, and walks past me to go sit on the chair across from the sofa, where Simon and Baz are sitting.

"Simon, it's fine. Don't worry about it," she says, and Simon looks completely relieved. 

Agatha still looks unsettled, and she flips her over one shoulder subtlety. Her face is placid, and I can tell that she's not done with what she wants to say.

"But why did you wait this long to tell me?" she asks, and her voice is soft, almost as if she's disappointed.

Simon looks at Baz, then Agatha, and then to me. He looks startled, and his face begins to grow slightly red again. Merlin, I don't know why he waited this long. If I were him, I would've told her at least a month ago. Just so that she had time to really adjust to it. I mean, it's not totally normal when your ex-boyfriend and your teenage crush start to date without telling you. 

Baz wraps an arm tightly around Simon's shoulders, and shoots Agatha a cool look. A look that says he doesn't give a fuck about anything she'll ever say. A look that says that he loves Simon more than she ever could. A look that feels almost predatory, in its protectiveness and the way that he feels about Simon.

"He didn't want to tell you because we didn't think you, of all people, would want to know," Baz says dismissively, examining his nails.

"We didn't think you would care," he finishes, and my heart sinks slightly farther in my chest.

I get that Baz is protective over Simon, because of everything's that happened, but I think he needs to take a step back. Agatha doesn't need anybody accusing her after everything that she's done wrong.

I can tell that Simon isn't completely fine with this either because he nudges Baz with his elbow. 

Baz gives Simon a glare, but Simon just turns back to Agatha.

"Agatha, we- I didn't tell you because in all honesty, I didn't know how you would react to it. I know that you must've at lease felt something for Baz at least once, and I didn't want to tell you because I thought you would be upset.," he says quietly.

Agatha looks astonished, and her brown eyes flash with newfound annoyance.

"So, you didn't tell me about you two because you thought I would be offended? Are you serious, Simon?" she says, her voice laced with compulsion.

Baz gives her a disgusted look. "Don't talk to him like that, Wellbelove. He never did anything to you," Baz replies, his grey eyes flashing with anger.

"Simon, you've got to be kidding me. I don't need somebody's love to mend me from all the shit that happened, okay? I'm not some little flower that needs to be protected from the rain. I can deal with things on my own," she says, her voice accusatory. 

"It wasn't fair of you to think about me like that. I don't need protection," she says and she stands up. 

I swallow, and clear my throat from the other side of the room, which is where I've been standing this whole time.

"All of you to need grow up. Look, I get it that we've all made mistakes and whatever, but we don't need to tear up everything that's good into pieces. We all went through awful, terrible things. We all know that by now, and if we were to accuse of everything we've all done wrong, we would be hear until we die. So, lets all cut the crap and realize that just because we made mistakes, it doesn't mean that it's the end of the world," I say sharply, and by the end of my speech, everyone looks at me like I've got two heads.

 

AGATHA

 

Penny's dark brown eyes are flashing, and she looks like she's at the end of her rope.

I stand up, brushing invisible specks off dust off of my clothes, and giving them all a cool look. A look that I can tell looks similar to the one that Baz gave to me in the dining hall at Watford, all those months ago.

It feels like it was yesterday, and her, it feels like a whole another lifetime ago. It's all I remember from that day.

"It's been good catching up with all of you, but I need to go. I'll see you all tonight," I say, and with one final smile at Penny, I open the door and walk out, leaving everything behind. 


	10. Chapter 10

PENNY

 

After Agatha walks out of the door, I turn on Simon and Baz and glare at them.

"Baz, what the hell was that? Do you even care about what just happened?" I say sharply, but Baz just smirks and gives me a look. He has a shit-eating grin on his face, and normally it wouldn't infuriate me this much, since I see it basically everyday. But then again, it's not like he does this everyday. I narrow my eyes at him and put my hands on my hips. If I could, I would curse him into a toad or something.

"Bunce, I don't see any problem. I just didn't want Agatha to get any ideas about stealing Simon," he says, and I shake my head at him. 

"Baz, you fucking drove her out of here. Don't you think she was trying to _apologize_ to the both of you? How careless can you be?" I reply, and turn my gaze to Simon, whose head is down and his shoulders tense. I inhale sharply and swallow.

Baz looks at Simon, and leans into him, his lips just brushing his earlobe. His fingers are intertwined with Simon's and his thumb is tracing a pattern on the back of his hand. I think he's forgotten I'm here, because his dark grey eyes are now concerned.

I hear him whispering, but I can't exactly tell what he's saying. 

I feel my heart rate beginning to slowly return to normal, and I collapse into a chair across from them. No matter what just happened, I don't have the energy to stay angry at those two. 

 

BAZ

 

Simon's skin is warm against mine, and I feel him slightly shaking. He leans his head on my shoulder and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand that isn't intertwined with mine. 

He looks at Penny, whose face is still pulled into a tight line, her eyebrows drawn together in a look of pure disappoint, which isn't a look that covers her face often.

"Pen, I'm really sorry. I thought I was ready to tell her, but I guess... I guess I wasn't. Can you call her and tell her that I want to talk to her again?" he says, and the softness of his voice breaks my heart just a little bit more.

Penelope just swallows and nods, and she stands up. I can tell she's disappointed. She walks into her bedroom and closes the door, and i can hear her dialling Agatha's phone number through the door.

I turn to Simon and pull him onto my lap, and I wrap my arms around his waist. He looks up at me and gives me a soft smile, and my heart melts. 

"Well, that was a total shit-show," he says, and I laugh softly in reply. I run my hand through his bronze curls and lean my head down to kiss him, and he tilts his head upwards to meet my mouth.

I pull away and press my forehead against his. His skin is warm and smells like citrus, and he kisses the tip of my nose, and lets out a soft giggle and I grin down at him. 

It blows my mind everyday just how much I love him. I don't think that I'll ever stop. Everyday when I think I love him as much as I ever could, he does something that just makes me fall in love with him even more.

He makes me happier than I thought anyone ever could. 

Simon looks up at me and grins, and his fingers run through my hair and grip my scalp.

"Baz," he says softly, and he sits up, which causes my arms to fall away from his warm body.

I hum in response, and Simon swallows and his cheeks begin to turn slightly red.

"Why did you think Agatha would steal me from you?" he asks softly, looking down at our intertwined hands, avoiding my gaze.

This wasn't a question that I thought he would ask me, and it's one of the rare times when I don't know what to say.

I clear my throat. Truthfully, I wasn't comfortable with Agatha being here. At all. The whole time I was refraining from tearing her throat out. The fact that she was two feet away from me made my blood run cold, and all I wanted to do was rip her apart. 

Simon would probably kill me if he knew that I thought about her like this. He's not the kind to exactly hold a grudge. And I would know.

I inhale, and run a hand through my black hair. I swing my legs over the edge of the sofa and avoid looking at Simon. 

I can hear Simon breathing softly from the end of the couch, and he swallows. I can tell that he's figuring out the right thing to say to me, and I'm extremely grateful for that. 

 

SIMON

 

I pull my legs into my chest and swallow. Baz is a few inches away from me, with his head in his hands, and his black hair falling around his pale face in a raven-coloured curtain. 

Truthfully, I sort of want to throttle him for the way he was talking to her, but I know that that wouldn't end up in any way that would be good. The best thing I can do right now is to just give him his space, because knowing him, he doesn't do well when he's angry or upset. I lean my head against the couch and watch him, seeing the way his muscles are tensed underneath his forest green jumper. 

"I thought you weren't jealous of her, Baz," I said softly, looking at him. 

Baz just sharply inhales, and when he speaks, he sounds exhausted.

"Well, when the last person you want to see is a foot away from you, it's hard to feel the same way," he says, and I push away from the couch and cross my legs underneath me, putting my hand on his upper arm. 

"What do you mean?" I ask, even though I have a pretty good idea of what he's going to say. 

"I thought that her being so far away from us wouldn't make me jealous of her, Snow. But when she was here, I couldn't help but feel angry," he replies, and my heart aches in my chest.

He could've told her to get out. He could've told her to leave.

But he didn't, and he did that for me. He knew that I didn't have a huge problem with her being here, three feet away from him, and he dealt with it for _me_. 

I smile to myself and exhale, and move as close as I possibly can to him, with my legs pressed against his back and the back of the couch. I set my chin on his shoulder and kiss his neck, then his jawline, and then his ear. 

"You are amazing," I whisper, and I feel him smiling against me.

"I can't believe you did that for me, Baz. Seriously, thank you. Thank you," I say gently, and lean my head on his shoulder.

"I would do anything for you, Simon. Anything," he says, and my mouth grows into a huge smile and I think that my heart skips a beat. I feel warm all over, and I don't think that I've ever felt this way about another person before. It's like a supernova has made its way inside my chest, and it's consuming me with Baz, and only him. Like he's my entire being. 

I can't believe he's _mine_. 

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah, just decided to write this because these two don't get as much as love as they deserve.  
> I hope you guys like this, and I'll probably be posting a few more chapters when I have time to write them:):)  
> I hope you enjoy:)


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